Well, it took my whole two readers (shout out to kimmie and mal) to point out that I haven’t been keeping up with the blog like I said I would. I have some catching up to do.
Recap, here goes.
I am in the middle of doing a FET (frozen embryo transfer). I started doing nightly injections of lupron 13 days ago. I finished a month of birth control eight days ago. I started a double dose of vivelle dot patches five days ago. HORMONES, am I right?
Feeling like my hormones finally leveled out the last few days of April I suddenly felt like the change in medications (yes, I’m blaming the meds) BAM! I sped up and simultaneously slowed down in all the wacky hormonal humanly possible ways.
There was this weird period and then it suddenly ended and now I’m trying to figure out if I want to cry over a gallon of ice-cream or if I want to go for a seven mile run and eat some kale. Still, I have no idea because it pretty much feels like one or the other every few hours leaving me perplexed about how I really feel.
Spencer and I moved. We now live a bit farther from school and he asked if he could have a bike. I approved and immediately he started looking into purchasing the perfect bike. He about died of joy. I had denied him all biking, hot tubbing, and crappy eating privileges because of our infertility. He was good about the first two.
Now that we’ve made nine frozen embryos, I said he could get a bike and ride until his hearts content. For, never again will I do a egg retrieval. NEVER. AGAIN.
Side bar: I understand why Reproductive Endocrinologist encourage doing IUI’s over IVF. I also realize IVF was right at this time in our lives because we had the insurance to assist and the test results to qualify us as 'ideal candidates’ whatever the hell you want to take that classification as. Ideal, psh, like IVF is something you want to be recognized for as ideal.
For mercy's sake, never again will I willingly volunteer my body to undergo the reaping process. Us women are saints, or goddesses or just flat out have the balls to go through some real crap, sacrificing ourselves the way we do, and men will never understand.
End of side bar.
In trying to make this positive. I only have 12 more lupron injections! We’ve made it to the more than halfway point with that one. Today, Spencer finished his last exam from classes. Now all that’s left to do is study for the COMSAE, USMLE, and COMLEX (aka, med-school boards)
Like I said, I’m not sure how I feel. It’s stressful because I am a control freak and I want to understand something totally before I begin the process. This has proven to be an epic fail and a big lesson in teaching me to let go and cut myself and others some slack.
I remind myself, I say Lindsey, if life gives you lemons and you don’t add sugar and water you will have some real shitty lemonade.
My biggest point here is to make light of life. Enjoy it, because you never know what is right around the corner… blind curves remember… Here I am, today at this big curve in my life.
Counting my blessings as of right now. A happy hubby that is excited to purchase a bike and my ability to make it through an entire day without having to be assisted to the restroom or have someone else put my socks on for me.
Baby steps, no matter how small, are still steps in the right direction.
