Trails are temporary. Pain is temporary. April was temporary. I’m not saying all this to minimize anything that I have been through this last month or will go through or that others are going through. It’s an absolute, a fact that, life is temporary.
For some reason my blog lately has felt like a negative space. I’m not sure, is it just me feeling that I only share my concerns and burdens here? That’s not what I want. I can own up to that because maybe I’ve had the wrong definition for this space from the beginning.
On this last day of April I would like to dedicate this space as a positive part of my life. Not because I just realized that things could be worse, as everything could always be worse; no it's because, I need to find the joy in my life, as it is now. And isn’t that true for everyone. It’s hard to be positive all the time. We are human after all.
Recently, I was impressed to listen to a talk given by President Henry B. Eyring from a quote I found and it had a profound affect on my spirit. Before all this happened, I had been talking about the disappointments in myself with my therapist. She didn’t say anything I didn’t already know or fix the problem. Although, her words did enhance my thought process to answer the problems I was telling her I had. If that makes any sense.
What I am getting at is, I know how to not be depressed. It is easier to not have to do anything but that’s not going to cancel the depression. It only secures its existence. Depression leads to a life lived out of fear. Living out of fear, well, it isn’t living at all. In fact it is the worst form of living.
Life is meant to be lived joyfully and with love and gratitude. So, that is what I will try to begin to do. Gratitude for all that is good and all that is helping me become something better. Love for those around me and those that need it and those that love me. Joy in the experience and the blessing each day brings.
Regardless of what happens to me now that April has happened, I will continue to try and live by those three things. I am done with the mess that is depression. I can guarantee that I will have sad days but I will try my best to remind my heart, mind and soul that whatever it is making me sad is only temporary.
Note, depression is real. Today however, I will begin to fight, fight like hell, to get through it. It’s a hard-won undertaking that is time consuming. Lucky me that time is what I have been given and a voice even though I won’t be perfect, I can keep trying with each day and it will be ok.
"[He] helped you understand and accept that you would have trials, tests, and opportunities perfectly chosen just for you. You learned that our Father had a plan of happiness to get you safely through those trials and that you would help bring others safely through theirs.” - President Henry B. Eyring
I have infertility. I have depression. I know I am not alone. I have so much good in life and many blessings and talents and good qualities and characteristics to share. I am blessed to have people in my life that share their what they have and their love with me. I am a strong woman even though I have these trails here on Earth. I am will be better human for it.
