Should I have to ask?
Today’s appointment was a baby step in the process of IVF. I had my baseline blood draw and ultrasound to get measurements and make sure that everything inside of me is quiet. Meaning they want to make sure that I don’t have any cysts or overgrown mystical villains on anything. Which no matter where you are in life, I’m sure you don’t want these things.
The needle hurt my arm, the ultrasound wand hurt my abdomen and the being there in the office all alone hurt my soul.
Should I have to tell you that this whole thing is important to me and that I need you there. No, I shouldn't. Even though there seems to be nothing but a whole lot of quiet inside of me, I feel like my spirit is screaming and stomping around at the mere thought that I have to tell you this appointment is important to me. Why wouldn’t this be important to me?
I could have found out something awful today and you would not have been there. So yes, everything is important to me. I thought it would be important to you too. Because I thought I was important. I guess this is life now. Deciding what trumps whom and when it’s necessary to text an apology.
I’m always going to need you and feel like my life is important. I'm selfish and needy. I will never understand how you pick certain things over me. The small appointments and the big ones will always be about our future and I will always want you to be there. So, it’s really a tough reality when you are not. And I’m mad about it.
