Lately, I feel like handwriting my thoughts and feelings. 80's style. Nothing seems to be coming to me when I stare into the computer screen.
I had my first therapy appointment last night. It was a relief. I felt like I understood that therapy isn’t for extreme problems. Even though I sort of feel like dealing with my current situation is quite extreme. My therapist seems to really be interested in my life.
I know she is paid for this. I chose the same profession while attending the university of utah. I could feel the difference through her application of her developed characteristics as a direct result as to why she was practicing and I was not in the field any longer.
I set another appointment. One that will be a relaxation appointment right before 'the reaping'. This is the egg harvest but I like to think of it as a reaping. I’m looking forward to that appointment and also thinking I want to do some acupuncture or message.
Also I am trying to start pilates. I haven’t really started anything yet. I want to today, hopefully. It seems like a great idea to do before pregnancy - if that happens.
I’m terrified of this not working. I am worried that if nothing works out, I will lose all hope and never want to do this process again. Sometimes that is all I think about. The fear that is all encompassing.
Today will be the first day of not taking birth control. Finally.
