Outed
Dinner group began about two years ago. It was established to create a space for ten “couples” to share meals during the first year of medical school. In essence to save time and money.
Over the course of the year the dinner group evolved into more than we expected. Spencer and I met all of our best friends in Iowa.
We’ve had couples come and go. There have been close bonds formed and competitions and strong debates. A lot of maturing and nurturing has occurred in the group.
You should know the word “couples" doesn’t always mean a married couple. We have two single guys in the group.
As we all grew closer we all became so involved in each others lives. This isn’t about being outed because of sexual orientation. That’s not why I write things here.
This is about one simple fact. I am the only one not pregnant. The only one. I’ve also tried the longest. Two are due in July and possibly two more (twins) are due in November.
Last night my friend that did IVF found out she was pregnant. I couldn’t help but feel just how lucky she is because she was fortunate enough to have an appointment a month before me. We had the same cycle dates. Just not the same appointment dates.
I am a month behind her. She didn’t want me to know. Her husband blurted it out assuming that I already knew. I could see the look on their faces. Their secret joyful excitement then sudden terror and complete loss of words. Utter embarrassment for spilling their news to me. The only one not pregnant.
It’s not their fault. I was so hopeful that it would work for them. They kept acting like it’s not going to work which completely bothered me. I was so jealous how they were so much farther in the process and yet there I was being told how it probably didn’t work but they were crossing their fingers to find out.
I’m sure they meant to keep this secret to protect me from feeling so ostracized in the group of all pregnant women. Truth is, I just felt so many more angry thoughts toward their pessimism at the process of IVF.
Hello, I’m doing this too and you act like it’s not going to work and this is my last step in trying for my own baby. All the money and some I don’t have are going into this last hope for my child.
Ugh. It’s true, I am jealous they are ahead of me. But, duh, now I feel a little better that it might work for me too and that I can know what it looks like a week after the transfer. Spencer says our odds are like 80-85%
We are placing two embryos (if we have two to place) in my uterus on the transfer date. I still have one more period. I still haven’t completely stopped bleeding from my last cycle one date. Ten days.
This post is TMI so rightly titled - Outed.
